Last night while watching the Family Guy, the wife and I flipped over to watch Rock of Love Bus on VH1 during the commercials. For those not familiar with the show, it follows the same model as every show on VH1 since they canceled Behind the Music and Pop Up Videos - they select an emotionally unstable, surgically enhance, former celebrity and provide him or her with 16 or so emotionally unstable, surgically enhanced, and scantily dressed celebrity wannabes in an effort to help the former celebrity find true love, provided the true love doesn't even last until the reunion show just so they can do it all over again, and again, and again.
Rock of Love Bus is the third installment for the celebrity of choice, Bret Michaels. As everyone knows, Bret is the lead singer of the band Poison, which was huge in the late 80's for about 30 days, then again in the early 90's for about 10. Oh, I hear you out there trying to tell me that Poison still is and always has been huge and believe me, I didn't learn how to play "Something To Believe In" on the piano by accident when I was 12 ("I tried all night not to break down and cry/as the tears rolled down my face/I felt so cold and empty/like a lost soul out of place..." Genius, Bret!), but truthfully you'll have to give me the name of at least one of their album's that doesn't have "Greatest Hits" in the title to make me accept that they were ever relevant to the musical world.
The success of the Rock of Love franchise, if I can even call it a franchise, seems to be grounded in the fact that the majority of the girls on the show really do want to be with Bret Michaels, or at least the thought of Bret Michaels. This is in contrast to other shows, like Flavor of Love, where even the audience isn’t stupid enough to think that anyone could love the weasel-esque/tourettes-prone Flavor Flav.
Anyway, since the winners of the first two seasons of Rock of Love didn't actually love Bret Michaels or his bandana/hair piece and have instead gone onto successful careers as groupies for Ratt and White Snake, respectively, VH1 decided to switch things up this time and bring the girls on the road with Bret to see who can hang with his rock star/dirt bag lifestyle while he tours in support of his solo album to various cities like Reno, Panama City, and Youngstown.
This crop of girls appears to be particularly good, and by "good" I mean "insane" and by "insane" I mean "slutty". The only reason I even bring any of this up is because in the 4-minutes of the show that we watched last night - in two, 2-minute increments - we saw one of the girls kiss Bret's drummer1 and another girl get so wasted that she threw up on the bus then said through pukey tears, "Wha.. whatever. It doesn't mat- *hiccup* -matter if I puked. People... people puke and people shit their pants all the time..."
After that, I didn't need to see any more of the show or any more of the season for that matter because that was kind of the pinnacle of television for me. I'm not really sure where entertainment can go from there but wherever it goes, it'll be down.
1. I know what she was thinking when she kissed the drummer - she was wasted and looking to score with anyone that had anything to do with a band - but what the hell was he thinking? He's the drummer for Bret Michaels solo project for God's sake. If he pisses Bret off and gets fired from that gig, what the hell is he going to do? Who wants a drummer whose last entry on his resume is "Bret Michaels Rock My World US Tour: Sept. '08 - Sept. '08"
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