The other day I made reference to the awesomeness of the Blade trilogy and compared it to the likes of the original three Star Wars, the first three Indiana Jones movies, and the Bourne series. Obviously making a claim like that is bound to spark some debate and it has, so I want to come clean on a few things.
First, clearly I neglected to mention the two greatest trilogies of all time - The Godfather and the Matrix. Generally it's not even worth mentioning The Godfather when talking about the best trilogies because it can't be touched. It's the best and all other movies just try to fluff The Godfather's balls. That said, a lot of people try to discredit the third movie as defiling the franchise. I will admit the third isn't nearly as good as the first two but I still think it's a good movie unto itself and other mortal movies. It's just difficult to compare it to the greatness of the first two. It's like if Jesus had a brother; it doesn't matter how awesome he is, compared to God and Jesus he's going to look like a douche.
Jesus: "Hey Dad, how was your day?"
God: "Oh, just fine. I'm staying busy, you know. I added another 18 billion stars and planets to the universe. It's kind of painstaking setting them up one at a time, all with their various gravitational fields and moons and whatnot, but what can I say? All in a day's work. How about you son; how was your day?"
Jesus: "Not bad at all. I had to walk across a lake to cure a colony of lepers then my buddies were throwing a party but all they had was some dirty water so I did that thing where I turn it into wine. They thought it was pretty cool."
God: "Good work, son. You've always been my little miracle worker. What about you, Ron? What'd you do today?"
Ron: "Well, it was actually really good. I volunteered at a boys and girls club teaching at risk kids how to read and write and stuff. It was really fun and rewarding."
Jesus: "Pffft! Teaching kids to read? Who are you, Dr. Seuss? Hahaha! Why don't you do something worthwhile, like teaching blind kids to see!?!"
God: "Jesus Christ! What did I tell you about giving your brother shit? Now Ron, we've talked about this. I know you believe in the small miracles in life - smiles, hugs, encouragement - but once, just once, can you at least try something bigger? An exorcism maybe? Anything?"
Ron: "Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? This is what I want to do with my life and you're not the God of me!"
God: "Idammit Ron! I brought you into this world immaculately, so help Me, I'll take you out of it! I've told you all along this was a trinity - me, you, and your brother. If you're not going to get on board it's not a trinity; do you know what it is? It's a deuce! And a deuce doesn't do shit for anyone! So either you pull it together or you're out. You're just out. I'll replace you with somebody else, like the neighbor kid. You know, the one with the severe overbite and the buckteeth. How would you like that? I'll replace you with him or screw it, I'll replace you with the dog. Just challenge me, Ron! Push me and see how far I'll go. I'll replace you with nothing if I have to. That's right, I'll replace you with a damn ghost if I have to. A holy ghost would be ten times better than your stupid volunteer work. I swear..."
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That didn’t really go in the direction I was expecting it to and doesn’t really have anything to do with movie trilogies, but I’ll try to bring it all back in the sequel.
To be continued...
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