I apologize that Part 3 is considerably shorter and far less interesting than Parts 1 and 2, if I can be so bold as to assume anyone found those parts remotely interesting. I had quite a bit more text prepared after the trip but it was largely rubbish and mostly embarrassingly inappropriate. Therefore, I will leave you with this and a promise for some humorous anecdotes from my Labor Day weekend trip to the beach in North Carolina.
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I hate travel. Actually it's not the travel I mind, just the travelers. This was my first flight in several months and I had really forgotten how much I hate travelers. I hate people that run through the airport. If you have to run you're not going to make it and it's not worth it. Now, I know that I've had to run through the airport before just like you and everyone else, but I hated myself when I was doing it and I hated you too. I also hate people who travel with too much luggage. When I pack for travel I'm very thorough but very minimal. I'll exchange $5 bills for $20s and I'll throw lose change in the trash. I'll estimate the number of Altoids I'll need for the trip and not take a single additional one. The last thing I want is more weight or volume dragging me down. That's why I really hate the people that travel with blankets, pillows, and worst of all, stuffed animals. Stuffed animals? You're like 24, why the hell do you even have a stuffed animal and why the hell are you traveling across the country with it? When you get to your destination, what the hell are you going to do with it there? That's why I also hate the people that travel in their goddamn pajamas. I like to sleep on a plane as much as anyone else, but I also like it when I don't look like I just woke up from a fucking slumber party, especially with hundreds of strangers all around me. Take the extra 30 seconds to put on a pair of jeans and a hoody and look like you can at least afford to fly.
That’s all why I really hate it when I see someone in their pajamas with a stuffed animal running through the concourse. I'd like to trip those people just to see if the stuffed animal will cushion the fall.
I hate people that don’t know how to go through security. Like I said, I’m an efficient traveler and that means I don’t like to wait for the airplane. I get there so I can walk through security and right onto the plane. The idiots that don’t know how to go through security can seriously compromise my schedule. “What do you mean I have to take my shoes off?” Holy shit, have you not traveled in the past decade!?! Air out your disgusting bunions and let’s get a move on it. If you’re the cause of me running through the airport to catch my flight I’m going to wrap that blanket around your face and kick you in the nuts.
I hate travelers that talk. Just because I happen to be seated next to you on a four-hour flight doesn't mean I want to hear about your marital problems. I'm sure your husband is an asshole but if you talk as much to him as you're talking to me right now, well, let’s just say, I have sympathy for the devil.
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