I’ve only been working downtown for a week but I’m already becoming familiar with a lot of the little restaurants and delis and I’m realizing that downtown has more to offer than I once gave it credit for. Everyday I drive by one section in particular called Printer’s Alley. It is in fact an alley and according to the official website, it’s one of the oldest streets in the downtown area and is home to some of the oldest and most unique establishments in Nashville.
One such establishment, The Brass Rail Stables, was described on the website as, and I can assure you I didn’t make this up:
“The last remaining exotic dance club, this place is loaded with history. Originally a fine gormet resturant, it's name was the Brass Rail Stables and Lounge.
The Brass Rail Stables was originally really a horst stable in downtown Nashville where President Andrew Jackson boarded his horse when he was governor of Tennessee. The original barnwood of the old stable frames up the walls in this historic venue.”
Did you catch that??? The “horst stable”??? I swear I didn’t make any of that up or edit a single letter! That is actually how it appears on the website. Maybe it was originally a horst stable, but you can bet your new Andrew Jackson $1 coins that starting tomorrow night it’s going to be a Horst stable again! Shit yeah!
Today at work one of the dudes on my team brought in his 3 month old son. The kid was seriously as cute as a button and had a complete full head of hair. No joke, the kid looked like Steve Nash. He was showing the kid around when some women materialized out of nowhere like fucking Shadowcat from the X-Men. In a very creepy adult-talking-to-a-baby-voice, the woman was like, “I just thought I smelled a baby here. That’s right, I did. I thought I smelled you. Uhh-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo. Uhh-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo…” Holy shit I must have looked like someone had just kicked me in the face. I had no idea how to react to the woman. She continued talking to the child in the horrifying voice and then she started talking to the adults yet still in the same voice and still through the child. “Now how old are you? Are you sleeping very well at night? Are you sleeping? Are you a good boy and sleeping for mommy and daddy? Are you? Uhh-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo.” I started to panic and break out into a sweat. This woman was more than I could handle. I tried to gracefully back away from the situation but I felt powerless like the baby was the Death Star and it had me locked in its tractor beam like I was the Millennium Falcon. The woman carried on like that forever even though no one was paying attention to her. Then she got downright fucked up when she was like, “oh you’re just so cute. Yes you are. You’re just so cute. You’re so cute I could just eat you. Yes I could. I could just eat your little foot. Uhh-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm. Uhh-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.” And she was literally pretending to eat the baby’s foot. At that point, my face must have looked like someone farted in my mouth. I honestly think that if the parents had turned away that woman would have bitten the kid’s foot off like it was chocolate or some shit. I’ve never seen someone so stupidly insane over a baby before. It was disgusting.
I couldn’t eat lunch after that because everything tasted like a baby to me.
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