My good buddy, Nick Waites, sent me a link to an article the other day detailing the connection between cell phone use and cancer. In fact, the study suggested that cell phone use could increase your risk two to four times. At first I was like, there is no way that something as pervasive as a cell phone could cause cancer; I mean, everyone has one. There’s just no way that type of risk would be allowed. But then I got to thinking as I’ve been remodeling this house over the past few days that just like I’ve been cursing my parent’s and grandparent’s generations for being so retarded for using shit like asbestos, lead-based paint, and the color pink - all things that were used everywhere in everything that we now know to be dangerous and harmful - I’m sure in 40 years I’ll be talking about how retarded we were for holding cancer-inducing communication devices up to our faces. Then I’ll turn on my electromagnetic teleportation device and instantly transport myself from my bed to my shitter and forget what I was talking about.
The study went on to suggest that while there is no current link between carrying a cell phone in your pocket and testicular cancer, some researchers suspect a link to decreased fertility. That’s some scary shit and I don’t intend to take any chances – I’m going out tomorrow and buying a bunch of cargo pants and like 6 more cell phones. I need a framing nail gun, not a baby.
Speaking of nail guns, my finish nailer was far and away the MVT the past two days. The only other things that could even compete were Gunner and T-Bone, my twin python arms. But really, they’re rocking it every day like they’re on a job interview for a position called Vice President of Kicking Ass where the required experience is a Bachelor’s Degree in Bringing the Pain.
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