Zero; Yes

Some friends of ours from Columbus visited this weekend and we had the most amazing time. We took them on a very local tour of Nashville, hitting up all of our favorite spots. It couldn’t have been better.

We took a quick walking tour of downtown along Broadway and Second to see all the honky tonks, boot shops and tourist traps. At one point we were walking behind some white dude with cornrows. No, it wasn't my neighbor, but I imagine they're boys. This guy was about my size, but if a normal person walks with their feet 6 to 8" apart, this guy was walking with his feet 16 to 18" apart, simply to keep his pants from falling down. It was so ridiculously far beyond urban fashion that you had to wonder how exactly he settled on those particular pants. Like, did he go to the Gap and try on a pair of 44" waist relaxed fit jeans and think to himself, "Man, I just don't like how restrictive these are. Uh, excuse me. Do you happen to have this style of pants in a 48”? Oh, and can I see the same in the boot-cut as well? Thanks."

Oddly, we passed a bar blasting some hip-hop and dude started dancing right there on the sidewalk, except it wasn't really a dance but more of just a shimmy with some seriously elaborate gang signs. Didn't gangs go out of vogue in like '98? And if they are still around, don't gang signs seem a little outdated? Can't they just text message instead? They could accomplish a lot more gang banging if they weren't so limited in their communication. "Drvby @ 6. Don't 4get yur gun. ttyl ;)"

My buddy put it perfectly when he asked, "What do you think that guy has on his agenda today? Maybe pay some bills, pick up the dry cleaning, head to the grocery..." One thing was for sure: however his day ended, it wasn't for the betterment of society

The wife and I capped off the weekend last night with a quick shopping trip about town. I was wearing my “Obama 08” shirt and had two people stop me to ask where I got it. The second occurred at Target and as the nice woman and I were parting company, some whore walked by, looked at my shirt, and called me a cocksucker. I can't be 100% certain she said cocksucker because she muttered it underneath her breath but I'm 90% sure, which is sure enough. I wanted to be like, "Yeah, well sticks and stones may break my bones but ho-ho's and twinkies make you fat! Slutty McWhore-Face!" Instead I took the high road and said nothing because that's what Obama would do.

So I want to thank John McCain for inspiring so much hatred and intolerance in America. He's the real cocksucker in all of his. Yeah, I said it. And he’s old as shit. Oh, I see the hypocrisy of calling McOld-Fart a cocksucker for inciting fear and racism in America two paragraphs after I made fun of some white dude with cornrows and one paragraph after calling some whore a whore. The difference is called irony and the only irony with Johnny Fly-Boy is when he keels over and dies in the next 6 months and we suddenly have a real turd-mobile for President. Now that’s scary. You betcha.