Stiff Upper Lip

I had a meeting today with one of the senior Civil Engineers, just me, him, and one other Civil, to discuss a project we're working on. Truthfully I was just trying to hold my own and not look like a fool for the duration of the meeting, something I wish was less difficult than it is at times. Apparently I left an impression though because after the meeting he sent an e-mail to my supervisor that said, "John appears to be a very bright young man," among other things.

Believe me when I say I'm not bringing this up to stroke my own ego; quite the opposite. I'm downright whizzed about the comment. We’ve been over this already - I'm not a young man; I'm a grown man. I'm damn near 30.

First the homeless guy, and now this dude. What's the deal? I felt like calling the geezer up and saying, "I ain't no young man! I'm full grown! I have a wife and a mortgage and a cat and tools! I do grown man things like manage finances and eat beef and drink scotch! Ok, maybe I don't drink scotch but I could if I wanted to. Yes, maybe your children are my age, but that's only because you had an accident and snuck one past the keeper when you were 20. I'm a goddamn grown man and deserve to be recognized like one!" Whatever.

These people are leaving me no choice as of late - I have to grow a mustache.

I’ve been a huge fan of the un-ironic 20/30-something mustache for a long time now and I predicted its imminent comeback at least 5 years ago. I have no fewer than a dozen witnesses that can corroborate this account for anyone that thinks I’m full of shit.

Still, there are two prominent factors working full time against the widespread distribution of the 20/30-something mustache: 1. Employment; 2. Chicks.

Most young men… I mean, grown men under 35, with a respectable professional career work in an establishment where the mustache does not beget professionalism. Bollocks! This is such a double standard that for just one or two generations ahead of us, the Tom Selleck mustaches of the world are seen as a symbol of prominence and class whereas the hairy region on the upper lip of a male in his 20’s is seen as a joke.

Of the two though, the female factor is much more formidable. It’s no secret that a 20-something man sporting a mustache is seen as "dirty" or "creepy" of  "un-datable" with a whole litany of excuses in favor of the clean upper lip. Inevitably the very first argument from any female is always, “Well how would you like it if I stopped shaving my armpits?” To which I reply, “Go for it, Neanderthal.”

Alas, the mustache won’t be denied as bold young men across the nation are foregoing the razor and releasing the symbol of manliness beneath their noses. And if that’s what I need to get accepted into the culture of full-grown manness around here, then so be it. Watch out Mr. Tom Selleck, there’s a new gun in town.