Talladega Nights - Part VI

So we took the golf carts out for "one last time." We were disappointed to see the Coliseum was already closing shop so we decided to hightail it over to Talladega Blvd to see what kind of atrocities were going on there. Much to our good fortune, we never made it that far.

We were initially attracted by the sounds of country music getting blared at 200 decibels across the infield, but ultimately it was the crowd forming that took us to the #3 Dale Earnhardt Sr bus.

I don’t want to describe too much about the whole scene partly because I can’t do it justice and partly because… well, you’ll see why in a second. What I can say is this: Your eyes are not deceiving you; that is a school bus painted blue and yellow and dedicated to the very soul of Dale Earnhardt Sr. You can also barely see the massive plywood deck constructed on top of the bus. While the deck could have fit 20-30 people comfortably, it didn't look safe for even 1. The inside of the school bus was stripped of its original amenities. The back third was converted to some sort of convoluted living quarters while the front 2/3’s was nothing short of a full-on homage to the late DE Sr. and his namesake, Jr.

You can also see one half of the Blues Brothers duo seated there in front of the bus. Why? I have no fucking idea. 

As entertaining as the bus was, it was the owners of the bus that created and subsequently stole the show. Again, words can’t describe them:

The girl on the left was the ring-leader. You can't see exactly, but that's a confederate flag bikini. The guy on the right was one of several that didn't seem to own a shirt. 

This picture doesn't need a caption.

Outside the bus the owners set up a computer, an amplifier, and the type of speakers you'd expect to find in the possession of a redneck wedding dj, from which they were blasting the aforementioned country hits like “I Love NASCAR,” by Toby Keith.

I can assure you the crowd wasn’t there for the music nor the bus. No. The crowd was there for the dancing. Of everything I found to be true at Talladega, this is one of the biggest truths: NASCAR folk like to dance. The only thing they like to do more is drink, and while it impairs their ability to dance, it can’t possibly stop them. As a result, I can tell you this is also true: there is nothing funnier than a drunk Earnhardt fan cutting up a rug.

The only thought running through my head during the entire ordeal was: these people should not be allowed to vote.

I've recently been accused of being a left-wing elitist, a charge which I whole heartedly endorse, but in this case I don't want it to seem as though I thought nor think these people should not be allowed to vote because they will inevitably vote for the right, though the will. I simply mean to suggest that these people clearly should not be making any decisions for anyone else, let alone themselves. My only hope is, admittedly with a great deal of futility, they don't have any children and their bloodline, however obviously narrow it is, will end with them.