Standing there in the hallway of my high school, facing my furious girlfriend, she leveling the ultimatum that if my beloved Sonics could actually do the unthinkable and push the Houston Rockets to the brink I would not be able to see the decisive game 7 because of the stupid fucking Senior Prom; in that moment I learned some very important things about myself.
Let me digress briefly to say that then, just like now, I recognized the situation was ridiculous and it was stupid for me to ever think that I would ruin some girl’s senior prom so I could watch a basketball game. At that point I truly had a conundrum on my hands. As much as I knew the Sonics could win I didn’t dare think far enough ahead about whether or not I would honestly skip prom to see the game if they did win. Deep down inside I knew just how maniacal and ridiculous that was. But somewhere in a much more shallow location of my soul all I could think was, “I love the Supersonics!”
So like I said, in that moment I learned some important things: 1) I’m a man of principles and regardless of how misguided my principles are I’ll stick to them through and through and while honoring your commitments by attending the senior prom with your girlfriend is obviously a noble principle to uphold, so is loyalty; loyalty to a team, which is to say, loyalty to a greater sense of self; 2) I could will the Supersonics to victory and by God I would! 3) I was going to break up with that girl sooner than later.
I think at that moment I said to her, “Oh, it’s okay baby, Seattle won’t be able to win the next two games. That’s impossible. We’ll still go to the prom on Saturday.” But in my head I was thinking, “HOLY SHIT! LET’S GO SONICS, LET’S GO! DUH-DUH-DUH! LET’S GO SONICS, LET’S GO!!!”
Tuesday night couldn’t have come soon enough. I rushed home from school, ate dinner in 7 seconds, jumped in bed for a 3-hour nap, then threw on all my Sonics gear and went through my pre-NBA-playoff-game preparation ritual.
It worked. The Sonics dominated the Rockets and won in convincing fashion. The comeback was on.
The next morning I was practically dancing through the hallways at school. I met my girlfriend at her locker like I did every day and couldn’t possibly contain my shit-eating grin. My smile was only countered by her scowl, as she was already aware of the outcome of the game. She seethed 5 vicious words through her teeth, “You will not miss prom!” and stormed off down the hall. LET’S GO SONICS, LET’S GO! DUH-DUH-DUH! LET’S GO SONICS, LET’S GO!
Thursday night seemed like it would never come. When it did, same routine as before: dinner, sleep, Sonics underoos, shorts, jersey, hat, pre-game ritual, game time1. The game was a positive nail biter but my boys pulled it out again, beating the Rockets 99-96. Not only was the comeback still on, but so was he greatest war of attrition ever.
Friday morning I was positively floating through the hallways. By this time word had spread through the entire school that I planned on skipping Senior Prom for the basketball game. Every dude I passed in the halls would give me a high five, “Go Sonics! Fuck the Prom!” they’d yell. “Fuck the Prom!” I’d shout back.
All the girls would give me the look of death as they thought to themselves, “You low down dirty pig! I can’t believe you would ruin her Senior Prom.” I’d just smile back at them and think to myself, “I’m the man! I am the man!”
To every guy I had become a cult hero; a living symbol that they could do whatever they wanted in a relationship; that they didn’t need to cave to their girlfriend’s wishes; that peeing while standing up actually meant something in the world.
To every girl I became the embodiment of male chauvinism; a real life representation of exactly what they all thought was wrong with boyfriends; and most importantly, I represented exactly what they feared: a dude that was going to make decisions for himself.
Now obviously these gender stereotypes couldn’t be more ridiculous in retrospect, but there isn’t anyone reading this now that isn’t mentally putting themselves back into high school in this very situation and there isn’t a single dude that isn’t thinking right now, “Holy shit, I hope you skipped that stupid fucking prom! Go Sonics!” while there isn’t a single girl that isn’t thinking, “You are a disgusting sonofabitch if you didn’t go to that dance with that sweet, innocent girl2!”
Well I hate to disappoint anyone, but I can’t be the hero and the villain in this story…
1. Apparently I didn’t do any homework in high school because I don’t have any recollection of that ever making its way into my pre-NBA playoff game routine.
2. I recognize even this is a gross gender stereotype because there are several females reading this that are rooting for me to miss the prom to watch the game and those are the females who would get into a bar fight over the outcome of a soccer match. You know who you are.
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