PR V

One real quick administrative item: You’ll note the new look the blog is sporting. That came as a result of some constructive feedback from one of our apparently older readers, suffering from advanced stages of glaucoma, who was having trouble reading the white text on the black background. Let me know if this is better – the blog exists for you (not really; it pretty much exists because I have too much time on my hands).

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It pains me that this post is coming a week later than it should, but I’m sure you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

I want to talk briefly about the best show on television: Project Runway.

Now entering its 5^th season on Bravo, this gem of reality entertainment is the pinnacle of the boob tube for me.

For those that don’t know, Project Runway pits 16 of America’s most up-and-coming, promising fashion designers - who are all either flamboyantly gay, eccentrically gay, or closeted gay, and who all share one commonality: they can design the shit out of an evening dress but they can’t dress themselves to save their lives - in ridiculous challenges ranging from designing wrestling outfits to dresses made of candy, all the while trying to convince the judges that they are serious designers with great vision and panache (most of them are terrible), in an effort to make it to the runway at New York’s fashion week and ultimately win. The show is hosted by the always stunning, Heidi Klum; proctored by the unflappable Tim Gunn; and judged by Famed American top designer and all around douchebag, Michael Kors, and Elle Magazine Editor-at-Large and the perpetually bed-headed, Nina Garcia.

Now I know what you’re all thinking, “Dude, you have unquestionable fashion taste; why on earth would you be watching a show like PR, which is quite clearly below you?” I know, I know; but let me explain. I refused to watch seasons 1 through 3, and quite frankly, I’m glad because the talent was subpar and the show was still learning how to walk and didn’t have half the clout it does now, and by ‘clout’ I mean drama queens. However, the wife was ape-shit about it from day one and thanks to the advent of DVR, I essentially watched every single episode simply by osmosis by being in my house.

Things changed for Season 4 when we were all at the in-laws this past Christmas, including both sister-in-laws (heretofore referred to as Walz 2.0 and 3.0, respectively), and 3.0’s boyfriend (heretofore referred to as Wisconsin Jeff). Not surprisingly the entire Walz clan was also ape-shit for Project Runway and somehow convinced Wisconsin Jeff and I to join in on the Walz Family PR4 Fantasy Draft. Not surprisingly it took like 4 hours to hammer out the rules and bylaws amid unyielding debate, vicious hair-pulling and ultimately tears, not unlike the drafting of the Bill of Rights, I assume. In layman’s terms, it boiled down to each of us selecting 2 of the PR contestants that we thought would win it all. Not surprisingly, by introducing a competition and a fantasy sports-like scoring process, Wisconsin Jeff ended up selecting the winner, I selected the runner-up, and the Walz sisters were left wallowing in their own misery and bad taste in fashion.

So needless to say, I was ape-shit for PR4, and especially because my girl, Jillian, sewed her way into my heart and quite nearly won the whole thing, falling short only to the diminutive and outlandishly flamboyant, Christian, who really did deserve it despite the fact that his fierce designs were more suited for a Stanley Kubrick film while Jillian’s had the beauty and practicality that would make anyone look stunning, even the average Brixworth Apartment Complex pool patron.

If you need any further convincing that Project Runway 5 will be the best show on television, here are three more reasons:

1. Heidi Klum: At 35, Klum still has the beauty, grace, and charisma that so often is lacking in her super model peers, including her American Counterpart, Tyra Banks, who gets uglier every time she opens her mouth. In fact, I think her beauty half-life is down to like 3.7 seconds now, so hopefully she’ll just up and disappear before too long.

2. Tim Gunn: The unbelievably regal yet quirky CCO at Liz Claiborne, Gunn adds an unmatched gravitas to the show that lends credibility to even the most ridiculous contestants and contests. He’s like your grandfather if your grandfather were overtly gay.

3. Kelli: She’s from Columbus and already a force to be reckoned with after winning last week’s contest – an absolute mockery of fashion as the contestants had to make something from materials found in a grocery store. What a joke. Jerry rightfully lost for his American Psycho-inspired shower curtain raincoat. Idiot. He would have been better off making a cocktail dress out of Cap’n Crunch. Tim Gunn: “Jerry, this dress is magnificently crunch-atized. Way to make it work.”

We didn’t do the Walz Family PR5 Fantasy Draft this time around, mainly because 3.0 is trekking around Central America collecting monkey poop… seriously. However, that doesn’t mean I have any less vested in this season as the wife and I have entered into our own contest of sorts having both chosen our final 3:

Sara: 1. Kenley, 2. Kelli, 3. Daniel

John: 1. Daniel, 2. Wesley, 3. Kelli

I’m sure you’ll all be watching right along with us.

One further item of note: Blayne and Stella are by far the two worst designers and people for that matter (Stella looks like one of the Ramones after a 72-hour heroin binge while Blayne looks like the offspring of Tommy Lee and Vince Neil after a 72-hour heroin binge with the Ramones), however they’ll both stick around much longer than they should simply because they add drama. Expect someone like Suede or Jerell to go home this week

Auf wiedersehen!